Q. Why did you grow up in England and Russia?
A. My parents were missionaries, and that made me a missionary kid. Army brats made fun of me and beat me up.
Q. Why did you move to Germany with your husband?
A. Death’s Head received funding to do some dissertation research there, so my long-suffering years as the wife of a graduate student finally proved worthwhile!
Q. Are you really sickly? Should I feel sorry for you?
A. I was sickly as a child, but am considerably less sickly as an adult. I have fully recovered from my open heart surgery at the age of four, but I have a giant scar down my chest. The heart surgery was totally worth it just for the scar alone.
Q. Why don’t you use your real name?
A. I am very important and so is my graduate student husband.
Q. What’s your secret?
A. Performance enhancing drugs, lots of free time, and baking.
Q. What’s the deal with your husband?
A. It’s a mystery!
Q. And what’s the deal with you?
A. I spent 6 years of my childhood in Russia, if that helps to explain anything. Or you can just blame my parents. That’s what I do.
Q. May I send you money? Please?!
A. I accept cash and/or money orders. No checks, please. I also accept clothes, books, food, and performance enhancing drugs.